Couple Process – To transform memories
The real nuisance is the memory —the memory of a lot of old things—which perpetuates the old influence; but in reality, there is nothing—only the memory of it. – The Mother
September 18, 1971, Volume 12, The Mother, Mother’s Agenda
It is largely responsible for our illnesses; chronic or repeated illnesses are indeed mainly due to the subconscient and its obstinate memory and habit of repetition of whatever has impressed itself upon the body consciousness.
– Sri Aurobindo, CWSA – Vol. 28, Letters on Yoga, Book 1, pg. 216
If you want to be completely cured, you must cure this memory in the body, this is absolutely indispensable. And whether you know it or not, you work in order to cure the memory in the body. When the remembrance is effaced, the body is truly healed.
The Mother, CWM Vol. 06, Questions and Answers (1954)
INTRODUCTION
The quality of energy of the inner being of the Mother and Father gets transferred to the body and cells of the child. Our memories of past, even if it suppressed plays in the background of our sub-consciousness. This affects our moods, energy fields and our interactions with our partner. This is why in individual sadhana working on the memories and healing their imprints is considered very important.
There is a whole bunch of memories that could be running within the minds of the mother and the father. This is like a constant movie running inside our heads. This forms a huge impact. It is like a field that is present, positive or limiting it influences the state of the child-to-be born. In your memory lane you could have some sadness, anger, frustration, disappointments with someone in family, or some hurt that somebody has not taken care of you well, and the like. All of these when present in the mother or father’s memory field which forms part of their sub-conscious, slowly penetrates within the child-to-be born. Ideally as the couple is planning to conceive they can begin their memory cleansing work and continue the same during the period of pregnancy. A baby born to such a couple has a privileged birth.
First basic principle is that if you are aspiring for conscious birth, you have to put in that extra effort. Ideally none of these limiting memories should be rotating inside you as best as possible. The more they rotate, the more it’s going to cause an impact for the child-to-be born. We are now going to explore a simplified process for the memory transformation. Couples can do this practice with each other. Whoever is going through the process will lie down. The other person can sit beside and guide this process.
In this couple process each of you take turns to become a giver (facilitator) and a receiver to transform each other’s memories. The goal is to get an experience of unloading of burdens silently, in a space of vast love and care. While the memories could continue to be the same, the energetic imprint behind the memories would turn empowering and nourishing.
We share with you a way with which you can facilitate this with your partner. At the same time the receiving partner would do this process for themselves at the same time silently. Do not worry if you wonder if you feel equipped to facilitate this process for your partner. We have tested the below process in our conscious birthing workshops. If the right attitude and aspiration is brought it, even couples who were doing inner body work for the very first time, could actually take their partner through this process with ease.
PROCESS
This process would take anywhere from 30 to 60 minutes. Choose a space where you will not be disturbed for this time. It would be good to keep your mobiles and other devices away. Sit in a room where the ambience invokes something beautiful, sacred, refreshing and joyful. If you can do this in a peaceful and quite place in nature that would be good too.
Role of Partner giving this process (Facilitator)
Your partner could be sitting or lying down. Do ensure that their position is comfortable. Bring in care and love throughout this process. When you place your hands on the body of your partner touch them as if their body is very sacred. All of us have drops of Divine and Divine’s Qualities within us. Aspire to make your hand conscious, filled with care and love.
Place your hand on your partner’s head. You can place the palm of one of your hands on the top of their head and another down holding the back of their head. You can do it in any way of your choice. Be intuitive about it based on mutual comfort levels. You are going to work in and around the head region. Refrain from placing your hands on your partner’s third-eye region on the forehead unless you are skilled in body work. The third-eye is a chakra point. It is thus better that we don’t go there unless you are skilled. Placing your hand on the top of forehead or on either side of their temples is ok.
Ensure that your partner feels comfortable with your touch. Refrain from doing this process when you are irritated, angry or emotional with your partner. In such instances through your hands you will transmit these energies into your partner. In such cases wait for things to clear up within you and when you feel affectionate and caring towards your partner, then you can do this practice.
Role of Receiving Partner
The person who is receiving this process allow your partner to place their hand. You can guide them how to place their hand and the degree of pressure of contact to maintain based on your comfort levels.
Role of Facilitating Partner
You can place hand on your partner’s head. Hold in your awareness that the region here holds a lot of old memories. Be intuitive and go with the comfort level of each other. You keep the hand there on your partner’s head region, and there is only one movement you are going to do. Your hand is almost like you are touching their memories. It’s like an aspiration and this is half the posture. The other half of the posture is like your hand is touching their memories and connecting them to the Qualities present far above in the heights of consciousness above both your heads. These qualities above are like Vastness, Wideness, Freedom, Space, Peace, Silence, Light, Joy, Love etc. When your hand is touching don’t put pressure. Your hand is gentle and you are just touching the memory of your partner with an aspiration saying that “May we heal”. Whatever that is running in the memory, the state of it impacts the child. It’s almost like you don’t know what the memories are there, but you are just sensing into the memory field and surrendering or offering it to the above. It will be good not talk in this process. It is a silent process, which goes on for about 15-20 minutes. Be relaxed and be comfortable. Change your postures as needed. Simply, you are connecting to the memory, and you are connecting the memory field to the Divine Qualities above. You can develop the attitude of sacredness. You are touching your partner’s body in a sacred way. Develop that attitude.
Role of Receiving Partner
Now, the person lying down, the receiving partner can also simultaneously start their own process. First, become aware of your body. Connect to your own body in a sacred way. Just become aware of your breath.
The person who is lying down and doing the process intuitively allow any memory that wishes to be transformed to surface. It can be any memory from childhood to now. So whichever memory is ready to get transformed allow it to come organically. So whatever memory comes, you can take your awareness within the memory and place your breath inside it. You will put your breath inside the memory. Each of us would be doing the natural breath practice. You can take that same natural breath in this moment and put it into the memory. This is a very subtle process. The moment you place your breath there within the memory, your breath will start transforming the ‘energetic state’ and the ‘substance’ of the memory. You just put your breath there and connect it to the Divine Qualities above, and that’s all. Just wait for whatever time is needed for the memory to undergo transformation. The memory need not be fully transformed. Just start the process and when you feel the maximum possible transformation has unfolded, let go and move into another memory. Continue till you cover a few memories and you feel enough for today and then you can continue this process later. If you get overwhelmed at any point due to the ‘charge’ in the memory, and you find it difficult to continue let your partner know. You can indicate that, for example, you are feeling some tenderness in your chest. Your spouse who is facilitating the process can place their hand there. They can connect to your body and emotion and offer it to the Divine. With their help if you feel calmer you can continue the process. Else you can pause and come back to this process later.
To summarize, your partner who is sitting beside you will connect intuitively to your memory field in general and keep connecting to the divine above. They will do this throughout the process. You will go through specific memories in your life time which are not transformed and carry some limiting charges. The second you get a memory, immediately you put your own breath into it and connect the memory to the Divine above. You can figure out your own way of doing it. When needed you can ask non-verbal support from your partner – like a calm holding of their hand or shifting their hand to a different part of the head etc. You will do one memory for a couple of minutes or you can spend a longer time with each memory. It is up to you. If you are getting overwhelmed with any memory, you will just point to your partner, where in your body you are experiencing the difficulty, and your partner will help you there. Your partner can place their hand on the exact spot of body where there is the difficulty. They can gently touch there and simultaneously connect the part to the Divine above. At the end of 15 – 20 minutes, you can take a short pause if you wish and then continue.
Simply go from one un-transformed memory to another. The moment the memory comes, put your natural breath into it, and you tell your own body there is no need to hold on to the memory. This is what you will have to keep telling yourself. There is no need to hold on to the memory or the emotions. You are telling your body to release the memory to the divine above. So, you are just connecting the memory to the divine above or to the sacred below consciousness if you have access to it. Wait for some time and carry on. Your partner can also silently keep intending that your body releases its memory imprints fully, wholly and integrally.
Sometimes a memory does not get fully transformed. That ok. You can place a request that the process can continue in the background. Whenever you are free later you can come back to the process. To whatever extent your body has done this work of body release you can surrender and offer it to the Divine.
When you feel reasonably complete you can close the process. Both of you can share how the process was for each other. On the same day or another day you can reverse the roles and offer this process in this manner with each other.
Final Tips to the Facilitator Partner
When you place your hands on your partner it is not so much about the amount of pressure you put, rather it is more about awareness and intention. Stay in a comfortable position when you are leaning forward etc. Keep your spine straight, shoulders and neck relaxed. When a part of your body needs support honour it. If you are supporting with one hand, when needed change your hand still continuing to be connected to the partner who could be going through an important moment of transformation of their memory. While your partner is going through their memories, you can intuitively connect to their memory field in general, put your breath within their memory field, connect it to the Divine above, connect it to the Sacred Divine below. So basically, you are just offering the memory of your partner to Divine above, grounding their memory and you are supporting them to let go.
With practice you can learn to truly connect to your partner’s body. It is like an intimate contact. You have to keep connecting to their body throughout this process. Slowly you can learn to keep your hand neutral. Often you would not know what this person is going through internally. You are just connecting and being with them and being a catalyst for their process. So you have to be fully present the 15-20 minutes or more of the process. You will get distracted. When you recognize that your mind has wandered come back into the present moment and support your partner. Stay connected with your partner. The more you support the more it is easier for your partner to do the memory transformation process fully. At later point, when you are little bit more skilled, you can even place your breath within the body of your partner and fully support them. You can just place one breath within the body of your partner and this will help them to go through the process deeply.